How it All Went Down - Part III

We were at the hospital bright and early Tuesday morning with Pepsi in hand for FaveGirl and her mom, who had spent the night in the hospital.  I was blown away by how gracious FG was about us holding Baby Girl virtually all day and how, just like the day before, she only held her if we offered (which we tried to do often).  It was humbling to see how much she viewed Baby Girl as our daughter from such an early stage.  Of course, with all of the miraculous spiritual promptings and signs she and her family had received, it seemed natural.  Being around FG and her family felt natural, too, something I hadn't expected despite how comfortable we'd felt around them throughout the process.

We spent a beautiful day together, watching the hospital's mandatory new baby videos and laughing at them, to some extent ("Wait, you're not supposed to shake your baby?"  "So, let me get this straight, car seats are important?").  We switched between those and "Walker, Texas Ranger" reruns.  22 and I are big on watching and making fun of lame television, so it was fun to do that with FG and her rotating cast of family and her best friend.  It was effortless, and it gave us insight into what Baby Girl will be like with the combination of nature and nurture.  FG is a really introspective, observant person, as well as being humble and clever.  She has a great read on people, and a good eye for the absurd.  She's like 22 in those respects.  But then she's sassy, wry, and she can be outgoing - even outspoken and passionate - in the right setting.  Like me.  So 22 and I see in her many characteristics of what we would expect to cultivate in our own daughter.  She had even noticed how 22 can get uncomfortable with the spotlight on him, so she made a point of teasing him about that and putting him a little on the spot.  It was delightful.  Sharing the day together like this was special, and when it was time for us to take Elsie home and for FG to get discharged, it was sad to say goodbye.

When we got home, my brother and his wife were there with two of their three kids.

They had food and a goodie basket for Baby Girl with clothes, blankets, baby hygiene products, and more.  Talk about a huge blessing.  BG was so little that none of the things I'd bought for her would fit her, but my amazing sister-in-law found small enough newborn stuff that it fit perfectly.  She's sort of magic that way.  Seeing my brother hold my daughter made us both cry.

We spent a few hours all marveling and staring at her, and then they went home and 22 and I stared at her the rest of the night in lieu of sleeping.

 

I really can't describe how we felt having her at home with us that night.  The closest way to explain it is this - you know the very, very end of Kill Bill vol. 2?  (It's on cable about twice a week, so you can catch it anytime you want to.)  When Beatrix Kiddo is lying on the bathroom floor crying and laughing and saying "Thank you, thank you, thank you."  That's how it felt.  When we prayed that night, we actually laughed with joy as we thanked our Heavenly Father for the miracle that we'd just received in BG.  It was the most beautiful prayer of my life.  Hubsters gave our daughter a Father's Blessing that night, too, and it was more of the same: beautiful and tender and beyond special to see my husband blessing his daughter.  I fell in love with him more at that moment.  I hadn't realized that was possible.

The next day and a half were filled with bottles, diapers, naps, and an abundance of joy.  Every cry (of which there were truly few) was a pleasure to respond to, as it still is.  The late night/early morning wake ups were met with delight on our part.  There was also a lot more awe-induced staring.

Then came Thursday.  Signing day.  The day FG could legally place Baby Girl with us permanently. Or not.  When we thought of FG and our relationship, we felt totally confident in the outcome.  When we prayed, we felt at peace.  But when we thought for a moment of the other possibility, we felt devastated.  Our hearts were totally open and totally Baby Girl's.  The thought of losing her was more than we could process, but the fear was there.  Faith and fear cannot coexist, and we felt those extremes that day a thousand times.

The placement ceremony was at 4 PM at LDS Family Services in Mesa.  We had everything planned to leave early so we could get FG flowers and then have time to change and feed Baby Girl before everything started.  We had just strapped Elsie into the car seat and were heading out when spit up exploded out of her mouth and nose.  We freaked.  Was this a sign?  22 was trembling so badly, he couldn't take her out of the car seat, so I sang a little song (the Pie Song) to her while I tried to act far cooler than I felt.  I took her out, cleaned her up, put her in a new outfit, and then strapped her back in her seat, singing the whole time.  Needless to say, we forewent the flowers.

Our 35 minute drive to LDS Family Services brought us a lifetime worth of highs and lows.  We arrived at the agency about ten minutes early and chatted with our case worker while we started feeding Baby Girl.  This wasn't strategic to show what attentive parents we already were.  She was hungry.  I promise.  My brother and his family showed up a little before 4 PM, as did one of FG's brothers and his wife.  Soon, more of FG's family rolled in.  By 20 after, FG and her parents, though, still weren't there.  22 and I were getting nervous at this point.  We were half convinced we'd see them strolling in with a car seat in tow, ready to take Baby Girl back.  But at about 4:25 PM, FG walked in, smiled, and said something to the effect of, "Hey guys!  I'll talk to you in a bit after I sign the papers."

Dude.

So, she went to a room with our case workers and her dad to sign the papers.  It seemed to take forever, causing more panic.  Finally, after a wait that was a cross between six root canals and a violent stomach flu, she emerged, smiling.  We grabbed Baby Girl, ran into the room, and signed the &#*@$% papers in record time.

We left the room with stupid grins on our faces and Baby Girl in tow.  Then, our case workers asked everyone to share a brief thought about what this experience has meant to them.  FG's siblings and parents talked about the positive changes they'd seen in her over the last nine months and what an incredible, selfless person she had become.  Her dad said something I'll never forget: in every case since this whole thing started, FG has tried to follow what God wants, not what she wants.  When she and her boyfriend messed up, she told her parents and bishop the next day and started the repentance process.  When she found out she was pregnant a few months later, she again went to her parents and bishop and they talked about what the Lord's will is for these situations.  FG knew there was no chance at a successful marriage with her ex, so in talking to her family and bishop, they all felt strongly that adoption was the right choice.  FG decided this because she believed so strongly that Baby Girl deserved and needed to be sealed to an eternal family and needed two parents who could love and support her.  She couldn't give Baby Girl that.  So as much as it hurt her to consider placing her unborn baby, she also felt good about it, because she knew God wanted it.  FG's dad said that through all of this, he's been trying to find the downside.  Yes, his daughter made a big mistake, but she has chosen to become a better, stronger person, and we (Jeff and I) have been given a child for eternity.

I see what her dad is saying, and I agree.  Everyone makes mistakes.  It's what we do with them that counts.

FG and 22, oddly, had virtually identical remarks (she went first).  They talked about how they can't describe all that what they've gained from this and how this very meeting was like a glimpse of eternity.  It was neat seeing their perspectives from both sides of this experience.  As for me, all I could say was that she's like a sister to me, because there's no accurate word to describe what we are to each other.  I will love her forever, and I feel so blessed that she will love us all - our little family - too.

After lots of tears and laughs and a sweet father's blessing from FG's dad (with her brothers, 22, and my brother all taking part), we parted ways.  (FG and her best friend and sister were going to see the Batman Begins trilogy in the theater, ending with the release of "The Dark Knight Rises."  Told you we love her.)  On our way home, 22 and I laughed and cried, then called our parents to let them know Elsie was all ours so they could spread the word.

Our next call was to Papa John's to eat our first meal in days.  It was the best pizza of my life.