How it all went down - Part I

The following is an email I sent to my family on July 7th, nine days before Baby Girl was born:

On June 10th, I received an email from (FaveGirl) regarding our adoption profile.  In the email, she said that she had read our profile, was interested in us (though she wanted to make sure we knew she wasn't sure about anything yet), and then said that she had read about my mom having passed away when I was a kid.  She asked if I could send her a picture of Mom, because her dad had had an "experience" in the temple. 

I sent a picture 14 seconds later.

Several days went by with no communication, and we started to think it must have been nothing.  Then five days after I emailed her, I received her reply saying the picture helped a lot and she wanted to meet us soon for lunch, if that would be okay.  Um, yes.

On June 18th, we met FaveGirl and her older sister for lunch.  We were skeptical and a little hesitant about meeting her, but we felt good about how accurately we represented ourselves in our profile, so we were sure that she would get a good read on us.  We just weren't sure what to expect from her.  Since the adoption seminar we attended last November for certification, we've learned that there is a broader array of birth mothers than we'd originally expected.  Yet, we didn't know what to expect and we were a little fearful that she would be someone we didn't feel any connection with.  We couldn't have been more wrong.

Now for some quick facts about FaveGirl.  She is 19, teaches ballet, and is beautiful, with pale skin and wavy light brown hair.  Her favorite books are anything by Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, Shakespeare, JK Rowling, JRR Tolkien, or the Bronte Sisters.  London is her favorite city.  Her favorite bands are the Smiths, the Cure, the Specials, Deathcab for Cutie, Mumford and Sons, Sufjan Stevens, and other such indie and classic alternative legends.  She grew up loving the movies Labyrinth and Legend, and her dream Halloween costume is the dress that the girl in Legend wears when she's tempted by Tim Curry (AWESOME).  She loves the Simpsons, Young Frankenstein (and Mel Brooks in general), Doctor Who, and she can quote Anchorman as well as we can.  It's honestly spooky.

She said she knows her daughter needs to have an eternal family, and she can't give her that.  Oh, and that's when she mentioned she's due at the end of July.

In short, she's incredible and we fell in love with her after 15 minutes.  Our connection was immediate and overwhelming.  As 22 put it, we were "blown away" by her maturity, her ownership of her situation, her coolness, sweetness, and how much she is seeking to follow the will of the Lord.  At lunch, she let us know that she wanted us to meet her parents, but because of her mom's work, we wouldn't be able to for a couple of weeks.  However, just the day after we met for lunch, we got an email saying that she felt like we were supposed to be the parents of her daughter and she wanted us to have the same spiritual conviction.  Again:  Um, yes.

We waited for about two weeks, during which time we exchanged another couple of emails (and suffered through some silences that felt like ages), but we finally were able to meet with her and her parents today for a 4.5 hour lunch.

Almost the first thing her dad said to me was, "You look exactly like your mom."  I started crying immediately.  He said that a few months ago, he was at the temple when a beautiful, thin woman with short blond hair approached him, bowed with her hands extended, and said "Thank you."  He knew in that moment that she was a relative of the family his granddaughter was supposed to go to.  This was a couple of months before FaveGirl saw our profile.  He told her about the experience, and they looked through every AZ profile on LDS Family Services for someone who looked like that woman.  Ours was the last one they saw.  He told me that when he saw my picture, he felt sure it was us, but he wanted FaveGirl to feel a connection to us, first.  She told him that she felt really drawn to us, and that's when they decided that they should ask for the picture of mom.  He said when he saw it, it was over for him.  He knew that his granddaughter was going to us, even though he'd rather be able to keep her.  And today, FaveGirl told me that when we met up for lunch, the moment she saw me, she felt her daughter recognize me. 

FaveGirl was really upfront today about her feeling that this little girl is meant to go to us.  We're humbled and excited by this, but we also know that no matter how perfectly, divinely orchestrated this seems, it can't trump her agency.  We pray (somewhat obsessively) that she'll have the strength and faith to follow God's will for this special daughter of his.  Her family wants to have an open adoption, and they'd love as much interaction with us as we're comfortable with, though they told us they understand that any interaction we have will be on our terms and with appropriate boundaries.  They are fun, really sweet, and very supportive of FaveGirl.  It's obvious that they love this little girl a great deal and, as hard as it is for them to imagine her not being in their family, they want what's best for her.

And that's where we are now.  We still have about three weeks to go.... So in the meantime, I'm sure we'll have (more) sleepless nights and moments of panic and confusion and anxiety and elation and everything in between....  We're trying hard to keep our expectations in check. Ultimately we know that anything that happens is out of our hands, and all we can do is pray.

If you've read to this point, good on you!  Five points to Gryffindor!  We love you all and hope to have more for you soon.

Lots of love, etc.